Bleed: Bella's Transformation
by Nemean Cestus
Summary: This is the first part of my own adaptation of what it would be like during Bella's transformation from human to vampire. I tried to give it a darker edge because I perceive Bella as a darker person. Please enjoy! R&R is greatly appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

**Bleed: Bella's Transformation**

_When Edward bit me, it was so sudden. I hadn't even thought about the effects or… the feeling. It was so painful. It was like being burned with a slab of dry ice. This particular dry ice happens to have very sharp and dangerous teeth. I could feel my head begin to reel. I was suddenly very uncomfortable. There was so much happening at once that I lost my grip on the world and in that second, I could feel it happening. I could feel something… dark happening to me. I didn't know what to do. I suddenly felt like I would rather have not accepted this fate so willingly. I didn't realize until seconds later that deep down this isn't what I wanted. Edward was what I wanted. This was just the price to pay to have him for eternity. I realized how much I must have seemed like a fool from his sarcastic point of view. I began to laugh with the pain flowing through my veins. I felt very eccentric and in that moment I swear that I could almost touch the edge of sanity._

_Memories began to rush through my brain and all I could do was accept them. All I could do was let myself think of something other than the pain engulfing me. My body temperature flowed back and forth between freezing and burning. It was cruel but I realized that within my own thoughts; the comfort of my mind, I was enjoying it. I had the most realistic memory I would have in months. I remembered Edwards somewhat strange saying…_

"…_And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" He had said._

_His words evoked a very indifferent side of me. I was madly in love with him and I was going to have him for the rest of time. He would be mine and I his. Strange as that eccentric high feeling was, it felt good to have no control... again. It seemed with Edward, that I almost never had any control because he'd always find a way to switch things around on me. Even if he and I had made some sort of promise to one another. If he saw an obstacle for himself, the conditions would change or the deal would be off. The best part of this moment was that I was already too far gone. He couldn't take this back. I was going to become Bella Swan, Vampire. Bella Cullen sounded good as well._

_Slowly and effortlessly, the memories came in waves of furious, vivid detail. I let my mind take me to places I loved. Places where I had grown to desire this in the first place. _

*Diamonds*

I remember when Edward revealed his secret to me. It was amazing, and yet, unbelievable. I wanted to tell him that I didn't believe him even though he showed me proof. There was something strange and dark about that day. He acted so afraid of what I would think. He was so brutal and so unforgiving of himself. He was ashamed of himself. What could I have done? Honestly? Not a single thing. There was absolutely nothing I could have done to reassure him that I was in love with him because he was just too annoyingly stubborn. I could not tolerate it. Most times I just let myself go with the flow of things. However, that day, in the woods, there was something so real about it that I remember it like it was only this morning. That day he showed me the reason for why they don't go into the sunlight. I was mesmerized. I wanted to be a Cullen. I wanted to shimmer with jeweled skin. I wanted to live like they did. The idea of no longer being among the living was a comforting idea to me. I couldn't understand how I could possibly feel this way. It must have been the way he made me feel. It must have been the way Edward Cullen made me feel. His family, the Cullen's, were so inviting. Don't even get me started on the Cullen's. Alice for one thing, wanted me to be like them while Emmett was fairly sure he could accept me as well. Rosalie though, she was not as accepting as I would have liked. She was very spiteful of me. She had made a small number of attempts to make peace with me. These attempts however, were her way of just giving me more understanding. Peace of mind. She thought I was crazy for choosing the vampire way of life while the entire Cullen family had no choice when their fates were decided. I thought the Cullen's had the most beautiful way of life I had ever seen. They were like diamonds in the rough. They were strange yet such a desirable family to be a part of.

_The venom was flowing to every inch of my veins. I could feel the fire raging. I was starting to feel a little at ease. The pain was so unbearable that I didn't let it bother me. I felt tears run down my cheeks. Why? Why was I sad? I had no answer. I couldn't understand myself. I was crying and laughing. I felt like I truly was losing my grip on sanity. I began to feel terrified. I pictured myself as a jackal ripping apart its prey. I envisioned myself as the young newborn vampire I would soon be. I was incredibly thirsty for blood. I wanted to taste it. I could see myself running rampant. I was insane with the taste of crimson in my mouth. Suddenly, I realized I must have been day dreaming. I saw Edward take hold of me and rip my head from my body. Why did I see these things? I was not myself. I didn't want to kill. I had told that to Carlisle. I wanted him and Edward, Jasper and Emmett to prevent me from killing any human. I trusted them. They told me they would keep from being a killer. They would introduce me to the vegetarian vampire lifestyle immediately after I was fully turned. I was going to be a vampire. I was going to be a sick, masochistic, beautiful monster. I was going to be immortal. I would forever be eighteen years old. What meant the most to me was that I would have Edward forever. He understood that as well as I did. He knew I loved him. I knew he loved me. I almost felt selfish to make Edward and Carlisle turn me just so I could be a vampire. Just so I could be with Edward for the rest of time._

_My skull was splitting with agonizing tension. I screamed so loudly that I immediately knew the change was really happening because the glass along the back walls of the Cullen house shattered into tiny little fragments. I could hear each piece hit the floor. I could distinctively make out the sound of each separate piece as it struck the ground. I could count them. There were two-hundred thousand eight-hundred and forty-two pieces. I let my jaw drop because for some odd reason I knew that my count was accurate and there was no dispute._

_It felt surreal. I was so awake and so alive. Soon enough though, I would not be. I would no longer be among the living. I was not going to die either. I was due to be bound to the void between the two. I felt myself becoming a slave to my body. I was unaware of this feeling until in a split second I felt as if I could rip myself out of my own skin with ease. I felt this way because what I really wanted was to be bodiless. I wondered if Edward felt this way. I wondered if any one the Cullen's felt this way. I wanted to detach myself from body and mind and float on the wind. This feeling was strong but I could not succumb to the desire to harm myself. If I chose to harm myself, Edward would be very upset. It was all too much to bear. In the moment my thoughts went from insanity to comfort I was suddenly aware of everything. I was so aware that I knew in that moment that I was on my way. The immortality was coming. It would arrive shortly. My senses felt so acute. It felt like some mad doctor had kidnapped me and implanted mechanical objects in my body that had turned me into an improved Bella Swan. I was the six million dollar vampire. You know…_

"_We can rebuild her. We can make her faster… stronger. We have the technology…"_

_You know… that whole thing. In that hour, I was the finest I had ever been mentally. I was too aware of the world for my own good._

_It was there again._

"_It HURTS!" I screamed._

_Edward was at my side in seconds. He took my hand and held it tight. He wasn't planning on letting go any time soon. He wasn't planning on leaving either. It made me feel stronger to know that he was here. He was there for me. He showed his love for me in so many ways. He was a very chivalrous vampire and he knew it. He was so old fashioned. I adored him for these facts. _

"_You knew it wasn't going to be a cake walk Bella…" His voice was so seductive. _

_When he spoke it was like a beautiful symphony. Even now, in my semi-changed state, he still had the same effect on me. He was my love-drug. I was his heroin. Together, we were about to become one wicked chemical. _

"_I want to talk to Alice!" I screamed again._

_Everything around me was spinning in a thousand different directions. I felt my eyes cloud themselves in black. It was happening very fast. Even I could make that assumption. I heard footsteps from the other room. Alice strode in elegantly and cat-like as always. Carlisle was not far behind. He probably followed the make a check on my progress._

"_Good lord Bella!" Carlisle said._

"_I've never seen such a rapid change before…" His eyes gave away the fact that he must have been searching for an answer to what I could assume he might have labeled a problem._

"_Carlisle, will I be alright?" I was looking at him with from what I could tell was a concerned expression._

"_Bella, you are going to be more than alright. Everything is fine. I am just surprised. It's like nothing I've ever seen. You should consider yourself lucky. This won't take too long, that I know for certain. However, the pain may be more intense Bella. If the change holds it pace as it is now, you'll be one of us in a matter of a day. Bella… Welcome to the Cullen family."_

_Carlisle was always a well mannered man. He was a more-than-perfect father-leader figure and he was always impressive in my eyes. I admired him. He had given the Cullen's their way of life. He was intelligent and very upstanding. He was a true white knight. I knew Esme thought highly of him. They were perfect together. _

"_So you're saying that I might not have to wait much longer but its going to hurt like hell? Great!"_

_Edward still held my hand firmly as I painfully slurred my speech. I knew they could still understand me because they acknowledged me with empathetic smiles. _

_I was on my way. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Terror was weaving through my body. I needed it to be over. I needed it and I knew it would take longer than I could hope. My body stung and I was ready to die and felt that I could have done it with dignity. I could have died with Edward holding my hand. I was unique to him and no one would ever get the opportunity. It was staring me in the face. It would have been so easy._

"_Bella you're going to be alright… I can tell you that." Alice highlighted._

"_You see it, don't you?" Edward inclined._

"_Yes… I see that she will be one of us… and she'll be amazing Edward… She'll be more majestic than you could ever imagine. I see her having abilities like us… not one… but multiple abilities."_

_Alice was already delving into the future. This was good for me because it was exactly what I needed to hear. It was great. I enjoyed it. It was comforting to have her near me. I knew she was with me through this. She was a great friend. I always had a love for Alice, she was like my sister. We had always had an unwavering friendship. It was unbreakable. Soon now, in a matter of minutes, we would be members of the same family. It excited me and through that excitement, I was able to calm myself and I took the pain with more gratitude. It felt necessary. I wanted this and so did the Cullen's. They had been so affectionate towards me from the start. It was more than I deserved. I felt truly special… unique._

"_Silly Bella, you're getting what you wanted… I can't tell you how amused I am at the thought of you and I being forever. It's the warmest I think this vampire heart could ever be. How do you do it? You make me feel alive Bella."_

_Edward was being sentimental. I appreciated it but was unsure if it was what I needed currently. I was happy just to see him next to me right now. That was all I needed. He was enough of a gift for me. He was the reason for my continued existence._

_It had been about one day since the beginning of the transformation and everything about me had taken a nosedive into alteration. I could see and yet my vision was blurry. I could hear yet my eardrums felt like they would explode. I could smell and yet my nostrils were stuffy. I could feel and yet my entire body ached with tension and shooting pains. I was lost in my own body and was having trouble finding myself. I couldn't grip my brain. My synapses were firing in a billion different directions, scattering my thoughts into a maelstrom of activity. _

"_I don't think I'm going to be able to stay awake… Carlisle… If I pass out will I awaken again?" I was frightened._

"_I can promise you Bella, that if you sleep… you will most certainly wake up again." He responded in his elegant voice._

"_Honestly Bella… sleep may do you some good right now. If you were to sleep long enough you might not even have to deal with this first hand, it would be only your subconscious." _

_Carlisle seemed too intelligent at times. I was grateful though. _

_My eyes felt heavy after another hour of endurance. I had been through tumultuous tremors and heathen-headaches. I felt light with exhaustion. I let myself give in and within minutes I was under the sleepy spell of my own casting._

_Tick_

_Tock_

_Tick_

_Tock_

_Time seemed to move too slowly. I could tell that it wasn't helping. I was out cold but something told me that I couldn't really sleep for too long._

_Tick_

_Tock_

_Tick_

_Tock_

_Another hour and I had slept long enough. I woke with a pain-free feeling and there was nothing in that moment that could have made me feel negative. Edward was there to watch me open my eyes. He was a gentleman in too many ways. _

"_Just a little bit longer Bella, you can do it." Edward said._


End file.
